October 3, 2013
Today was my day to visit Eric. My husband and I switched off seeing him every other day, so that we spent every other day with our daughter. She struggled living away from home, as we all lived together near the hospital.
I was sad because he was back on the CPAP (it’s a breathing apparatus that goes over the nose and is attached to headgear). This meant I wouldn’t get to see his face. All the pictures I’ve posted, where his face is covered, is the CPAP.
The good news was that they took out the line that was still in his heart from surgery! This line was used to distribute meds and relay pressure numbers. I wasn’t allowed to hold him until this line was removed because of the dangers — it was directly in his heart.
Since it was removed today, around 2 p.m., I could hold him!
It would have been nicer to see his face. The CPAP kept falling over his eyes and he was constantly uncomfortable, by squirming, grunting and bouts of crying. His crying in my arms led to my panicking (despite being a second-time parent) because I can’t calm him like I know how to. With lines everywhere, I can’t really more or help. This just leaves me looking around to flag help down.
I also know what crying does to his heart-rate. It skyrockets. And that scares me to bits. His heart-rate shoots up, his oxygenation plummets, etc.
After adjusting his headgear, yet again, I continued humming — it’s what I do. I don’t talk much. Just humming, caressing, and rocking is the most soothing to the both of us.
A group of people began visiting each bedside– it was time for rounds (Rounds is when all the doctors go around to each patient to discuss past care, current care and future care).
All the doctors were very sweet. I was really embarassed because my phone began to ring when they were done. Phones are supposed to be turned off. One doctor, not even caring about the policy, happily handed my phone to me because I couldn’t reach it — and I couldn’t get up because I had Eric on my lap.
One young doctor stayed behind to talk to me. He stayed crouched at my level. Did I mention these people are amazingly sweet?! Even though his shift was over, he wanted to introduce himself and chat.
Eric then had respiratory therapy and I had to put him down on his bed. The therapist put an asthma medication in his CPAP and then gently pounded a pink weight (which looked like the end of a stethoscope) on his right lung. His top of his right lung kept collapsing. So, they were trying to break up any mucus that might be in there.
I knew Eric didn’t feel good. He had just had surgery, after all. But, he had a pacifier and was mostly content as long as he had it.
Eric was started on breast milk today. Too bad breast feeding will never happen. 
Heart-Strings Attached 